I once heard a story about a farmer. One day, this farmer
appeared before the king to present the king with a gift—a carrot. But this
wasn’t just any carrot, the farmer explained, this was the biggest, brightest,
and overall best carrot he had ever grown in his whole life. When he saw it, he
knew that this was a carrot that was worthy of giving to the king. It was his
best, and he wanted to honor the king by presenting the gift to him. As the
king saw the majesty of this carrot and heard the farmer’s explanation of why
he had come to present the carrot to the king, the king was moved. He told the
farmer that he appreciated the gift, and then as a token of his gratitude he
placed the farmer in charge of his very own royal garden. He knew that this man
was certainly worthy of the job.
One of the men who worked in the king’s court carefully
observed this series of events. He went home that night and came back the next
day with the very best horse from his own stable. He brought it before the
king, presented it to him as a gift, and explained how this was the best horse
he had. The king thanked the man, had one of his other servants escort the
horse to the royal stables, and dismissed the man from his presence.
The man was furious. He had just presented the king with a
gift of much more value than a carrot, and yet the king’s response was nowhere
near to what it had been for the carrot. Later that day, while he was at work,
he asked the king, “Why was it that when the farmer gave you his best carrot,
you put him in charge of the royal garden, but when I gave you a horse, which
was much more valuable, you simply thanked me and sent me away?” The king
responded, “When the farmer gave me the carrot, he was giving the carrot to me.
When you gave me the horse, you were giving the horse to yourself.”
A lot of times, it is easy for me to pretend to be something
I’m not in my relationship with God. I can stack up my list of spiritual
accomplishments and feel pretty good about myself. I tell myself that I have
made all these sacrifices—moving halfway around the world, taking a job that
pays way less than other jobs I could have pursued, working long hours—solely
as service to God. I pretend to be the humble farmer coming to present his
carrot before the king.
But too often, I’m not the farmer from this story. I’m the
man who brought the horse. I stack up my list of achievements and think God
owes me because of all I’ve done for Him (obviously forgetting what He has done
for me). When things aren’t going the way I want them to, I pridefully shake my
fist at God and say, “It shouldn’t be this way. You owe me.” I don’t think I
ever actually say those words, but they are in my heart, inspiring my actions.
This realization struck me especially hard recently when I
was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I guess it’s a decently common
diagnosis, but when I got it, I was shocked. Why was God sending this to me of
all people? Me, the guy who moved around the world to serve Him. Me, the guy who
has to deal with teenagers all the time as part of my job AT A CHURCH! Me, the
guy who works really hard and thinks about my job and how I can do it better
even when I’m not at the office. Then I realized… my emphasis was totally on me
and what I deserved. Sure, I had done all these things, but had I truly done
them for the King, or had I selfishly done them in the King’s service to put
the King into my debt?
So it turns out I’m still very much on a journey, learning
what it means to serve the King for the King’s sake, not for my own, learning
how to find my identity in what God has done for me, not what I have done or
will do for Him, learning to accept what He gives (even if it’s not what I feel
I deserve), because He is the Good King who loves me. Guess I should have known
this process would take a while.
